The Simple Things

It has been a whirlwind past couple of weeks. I graduated from high school, I attended more graduation parties in one week than I have parties in 3 years, I went to Belmont orientation, I took a one day trip to Colorado, and I realized something about life.

Graduation was a mix of emotions. I was/am excited to finally be out of high school. I had a hard time with high school. Stupid pointless drama festivities, people still thinking they are cooler than everyone else and trying to fit in with some crowd that doesn't really want them in the first place. High school was a place of heart ache, pain, disappointment and sometimes failure. But it was in high school that I finally realized how great it was to just be myself, my nerdy, unorganized, music loving self. I realized that I didn't care if people thought my shoes or hair or shirt was dorky. I love my Chacos. I love my red streaks. I love the shirts I get from randomshirts.com. People no longer can tell me otherwise. High school also holds some of the best memories with my friends. Walks through the park at midnight, driving through Dallas in a small car, frisbee games, guitar hero matches, and songwriting with friends. I will never forget some of the times I had in high school, the good and bad. Those experiences began the process of me becoming the woman I will eventually be. I can't wait to meet her. 

Graduation parties are expensive. It's as easy as that. Expensive for those that you go to and expensive for those that come to yours. I'm currently using my graduation gift from my parents. My new Macbook (who's official name is Lucy). 

Orientation was like torture because I knew that when it was over I would have to come back home and wait another two and a half months before I could finally move to Nashville. I love that town. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love Nashville. I love my school, my major, my classes, my roommate, my fellow classmates, and even my tiny little dorm room. The thought of starting fresh, of leaving some of those bad things behind and beginning a brand new chapter in my life excites me down to the depths of my soul. College is a time of growth. Growth as a person, growth in God, growth in understanding of the world. I'm ready for it. More ready than I have ever been for anything (except maybe camp). I begin the shopping next week and I am so excited to get started. Oh and another thing I love about Nashville: Franklin, a suburb of Nashville. It has a small town feel to it with its small boutiques and shops owned by Franklinites themselves, but has over 52,000 residents. I loved every store I went into, which doesn't happen often because I hate shopping! =]  There was one particular shop called Philanthropy that I loved. Some of their profits went to help relief efforts in Sudan. All the products in the store had a very earthy feel to them. They had an entire section for paper and journals and stationaries. They had this one type of paper that had been recycled from elephant poop. It was the cutest paper, but the thought of it kind of grossed me out. I bought this tiny little journal. The cover has reeds for the binding and leaves for the cover. The pages are hand pressed. It's absolutely beautiful. My roommate and I came to a conclusion that I have an obsession with journals. It's pretty ridiculous actually. I currently have 4 empty journals ready for me to being writing and thinking on their pages. It will take me a couple years to get through those, and I'll probably buy some more. Oh and all you country music fans will get a kick out of the fact the I saw Taylor Swift in Franklin. Now I don't like her music one bit, but I know there are fans out there!

My family decided to take a day trip out to Telluride, Colorado to stay with some great family friends of ours. We took their jet out to their cabin and just relaxed. It was some well needed thinking/relaxing/napping time. I sat outside for about an hour by myself listening to the birds and various buzzing noises. That was all I could hear. No cars, no helicopters or planes, no screaming of the neighbor's kids. Just wind and trees and birds and bees (no, making that statement or that rhyme was not intentional). Later that night my friend and I jumped on four wheelers and rode around in the mountains looking for elk. We saw entire herds grazing in the grass, popping their heads up at the sounds of our approaching vehicles. It was breath taking. So much beauty in one place cannot be possible. I wonder if God just got bored during His creation of the Earth and decided to create one of the most beautiful pieces of artwork in the universe, just because He felt like it. He can do that. He can take a girl who has been lost for a while and in one moment, in one sunset, in one elk, change her. I've realized how I try to take control of my life. That's not how it's meant to be.

I have been struggling with myself for a while now. I've been struggling with the idea that I'm never good enough, that I'm not going to live my dreams, that I won't be able to succeed in life, that I'm not worthy enough. It's taken me far from God. I simply can't find the strength to surrender. The fear that I will never be on that stage for God overtakes me and I back into my dark corner, hoping He won't see me. The scary part is that He can see me. He can see my stubbornness, my struggling, my fear, yet He still wants me to come to Him. I know I must do it, but it is one of the hardest things I think I will ever have to do. I know I'm not supposed to be in control. That's what I realized up on that mountain. Life isn't about worrying about what my career will be five years from now. That's God's job. He already has it figured out. Life's about trees, birds, reading a good book, listening to a great album, taking random trips to Colorado, playing games of frisbee with your friends, laughing a lot. Laughing. Life's about God, laughing, and simpleness. It isn't money or worrying or planning. It's rain, and guitars, and love. It's the simple things like love, that will make life worthwhile.